I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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