All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You were trust falling into bushes
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
