Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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