I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
