Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
