I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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