whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
