remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
