Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
worst night to have a conscience
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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