make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
