I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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