i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
