Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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