He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
