I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize