last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
