I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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