Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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