it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
