just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
