I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize