Your mouth is God's brothel.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
