i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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