So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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