did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
