Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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