On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
