Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My life is pants optional.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
