i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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