end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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