She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
