i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He felt like a one man threesome
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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