i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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