I faked an abortion last night.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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