Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
