why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
