glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
