U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The air taste purple.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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