Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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