im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
