NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
