Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
