All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize