Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
BRING THE BAGELS
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
