every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I had to cum in my sink.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
