I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it because I queefed?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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