We named our party play list daddy issues
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
