You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
