So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
