Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
