we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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