Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
