Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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