This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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